If you haven't caulked recently, you may have forgotten the Impossibility (which I believe is intentionally built into these) of a clean, smooth line. Fingers usually come into play, even if one has a rag or paper towel handy. The paper towel will stick and shred to sticky fingers anyway.
The optimism is built high with these - "Anyone can do it!" and every hardware store stocks these dangerous tools. Don't believe it? Yesterday by Tube #4, I was envisioning selling my soul to the Devil in exchange for never having to caulk again. I contemplated a Hell where a person is forced to caulk for all eternity, and the only way out is to do a professional job - few would ever exit, and I would not be one of them.
I know, it's caulk - anyone can do it. I'd grit my teeth, regain my composure, set out again with a new tube and fresh burst of determination to do a clean line. Which is when an air bubble inside the tube would burst, leaving a gap and a splat. It's one of the most contrary things to work with, and I didn't get better as I went, just more frustrated with the whole thing - meaning I gave up neatness for speed and let the caulk fall where it may.
These guns are dangerous to your mental well-being, as proven yesterday when my mantra changed to "I hate it, I hate it, I hate it" while wielding a spewing caulk gun. That I could hear the Devil laughing coarsely at my efforts led me to conclude this product was designed in Hell.
Caulk guns should not be freely available to the general public at this time because of the inherent health risk. If anyone had shown up and innocently pointed out I had "caulk over there" yesterday, I would have strangled them while under the influence - of caulk.
So I'm starting The Caulk Movement, where funding for other government projects, like NASA, are put on hold until we have upgraded 'caulking'. We have laser beams and friggin' talking check-out machines (which I abhor, too, the sugary voice that informs you to put your purchases in the bag or call a cashier, who happens to be leaning on the other end of the counter, anyway) - but we've never improved the tool to get caulk where we want it.
A laser beam that lays a caulk line should not be that impossible - please do not give it the ability to talk! We can then get rid of all our caulk guns (admit it, they're full of gunk from previous uses) and get back to space research and such. Let's get our geniuses working on this.
I assume you've all figured out not to call me if you need caulking done!
A suggestion: try using one of the heavier and more expensive guns instead of the cheaper, flimsier and lighter ones. It makes a world of difference. How to tell? The better ones have the swing away chaulk tube poker on them that you never use because doing so will result in getting that annoying caulk all over your off hand. Now then, true hell is painting. When I die I'm going to Hell. When I get there they're going to give me a can of paint for one hand that never empties and put a brush in the other and tell me paint the entire place. When I'm done they'll decide that they want it all done over in a different color.
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