(Before I ramble, which I feel is due after a full day, I will also add it's d--d cold again. Which is why there's an advisory for -20 to -35 F. wind chill tonight.)
So - I made it home from various ventures involving earning an income, getting chiropractically unkinked, and peace coalition meeting, shortly before 9:00 p.m., or in other words, in time to watch the newest on Paranormal State. (It's located next to where I live, so it's not much of a gap: Abnormal State.)
And there, on the screen, as the team is scolding a demon away, they're recording the area temperature on their camera. It dropped down to almost -20 for awhile, and when the 'good guys' declared it gone "Amen", the temperature jumped to +25!!!
Conclusion: when it's d--d cold out, it's an accurate description. Evil is lurking around us... I'd always suspected this could be connected, like when creeping cold would wind up my ankles, trying to suck the heat out of my body. It felt like 'cold devoid of life', and now I know why.
I immediately shared this insight with Sera and Valleri, causing Val to yell, "Amen!... Is it summer yet?"
This is about as close to reality-TV I get. :)
Cold facts:
Minnesotans aren't really grinning in the winter pic's - their gritted teeth are frozen that way until Spring happens. If we move our lips, they crack and fall off, and since one's nose tends to become an ice-maker, it's best to freeze said lips cracked so you can breathe. And the face masks? - They freeze up with the steam from exhaling, the theory being that a block of ice on your face is some protection from the wind.
*Fact: Chickadees are on valium. This is why they sound so cheerful when any sane birds would have gritted beaks. (I also suspect the nerves to their brains are frozen, thus creating delusions.)
*Fact: Water freezes, Vodka doesn't. Question: Which one should be in your emergency kit...?
Irony - they suggest keeping chocolate in your emergency kit... good luck with that, because you know you'll raid it before you ever 'need' it, and as soon as a warm day hits - then you gotta lick it out of the wrapper, don't ask how I know.
Minnesota mace: carried for bears, aggressive dogs, attack-killer-deer, cougars, and bears. I know exactly how a bear feels, grumbling out of a good sleep with hunger pains and young ones pestering at it - don't mess with them!
Minnesota mace: last seen in the glove box or trunk, good luck finding it if you ever need it.
Minnesota mace: odds are I'd have it pointed the wrong way, thus distracting myself from whatever was trying to chew me up by blinding myself. Some things are better off left lost.
Minnesota keys: Proper Minnesotans leave them in the ignition where they belong and find it a nuisance to have to have them at all. There's two practical points to this: half the stuff is too rusted and creatively rebuilt to interest anyone with the know-how to figure out how to start it, and anything else has an aggressive dog to guard it. Most of us wouldn't steal our own stuff, since we know the condition it's in, but we're gonna fix it "when Spring comes."
Right now we're looking forward to it, but if you check back in a few months, we'll all be exhausted and mosquito-bit -- "living the good life in God's country."
Delusions happen when your brain freezes. Conclusion: we're all delusional.
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A couple of weeks ago when I let the dogs out in the morning and the thermometer told me was twenty-nine below, I was ispired to come up with this:
ReplyDeleteI (your name),
Do swear,
To never again bitch about,
Mosquitoes,
Heat and humidity,
and grossly obese people in skimpy swimwear.
Ah, human nature! But we will... Come some 94- degree day when we're stuck in tourist traffic and our car's overheating, stuck to the seat with sweat and slowly being roasted by a pounding sun as if we were in an oven...
ReplyDeleteDifference is, we won't be delusional, we'll just be cranky. :)